You may have felt hesitant at first, but now that you’ve exchanged a few e-mails you feel that you want to meet face to face with someone from a dating site. Start out cautiously. Don’t give your home address or phone number to someone you know only online. Their reality may be different from their online presence, so it’s only prudent to meet in a public place for the first time. Make it somewhere you know there will be other people, like a coffee shop, park, bookstore, or restaurant. Short meetings are best. You’ll soon see if there’s really a connection, and if all goes well you can plan a longer meeting for your second date.

Maybe you won’t feel an attraction in the first 30 seconds, but don’t be too hasty. Give the conversation a chance to unfold. Many folks who are happily married report that there wasn’t strong chemistry when they first met their life partner, but it grew in time. Don’t think that it has to be “love at first sight.”

The more you share about yourself, the easier it will be for the other person to open up also. Decide how much of your personal history you’re going to reveal in your first meeting. Try not to rehash your reactions to a past relationship. This is likely to make your date uncomfortable. Keep it in the present and keep it positive.

Ask the other person to talk about their interests instead of talking most of the time about yourself. You don’t want to push to get too personal on the first date, but you do want to show that you want to know about your date’s interests, background, and personality. Listen and watch carefully. If you ask a question that is too personal, you can usually tell by their facial expression or their verbal responses. Try to be sensitive about this. One topic that some folks are particularly reluctant to discuss is parents or family. For others this is a joyful topic. Gauge their reactions before probing too deeply about family.

Look to the environment where you’re meeting for good icebreakers. If you’re in a coffee shop, you can discuss the types of coffee or tea your date prefers. If you’re in a bookstore, ask about their favorite books and magazines. Or if you’re outdoors, ask what activities they enjoy, such as bicycling, hiking, or swimming.

Above all, remember to keep a positive attitude. If you find that there is no chemistry and no real interest, you’ve only spent one or two hours, and you’re that much closer to finding your ideal partner.